HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE A.K.A. HOW TO WEIRD OUT A "GOSSIP GIRL" CAST MEMBER: A STEP BY STEP GUIDE

Step 1: Introduce yourself to "Gossip Girl" cast member.

Step 2: Immediately take photo while you're still considered sane.

Step 3: Find common ground to ignite conversation. Oh! You're Polish? I know a couple phrases...

Step 4: Rattle off your three known phrases (all very "a**" heavy):

A** hole!
Four legs in the bed, a sausage in the a**!
May a duck kick you in the a**!

Step 5: Wait for cast member's response:

Wow! Those aren't even normal phrases.

(You take this as a compliment, but are later informed that you kind of "creeped her out.")

Step 6: Go to after party and consume drinks on expense accounts.

Step 7: Chat online with father next day and mention the following:

I got into a little hot water yesterday.

Step 8: Realize you might have a slight problem when he quickly responds:

Oh no! Not the "four legs in the bed..."

Me and "Dorota" from "Gossip Girl"